2005: The Awards

2005 was a great year and there were quite a few notable achievements that need mentioning. There were also quite a few not so notable achievements and we’ll be sure to hit those as well.

So, without further adieu, the awards for 2005!

Scholarly Achievement. This award goes to everyone’s favorite soon-to-be lawyer, Julie Thomason. She took the dreaded LSAT in December beginning her quest to become a lawyer. Hopefully by 2009 we’ll all be receiving the free legal advice that we so richly deserve.

Bonehead Move Of The Year. This category had a clear winner and the award goes to none other than Gary Gillis. Gary had a slight lapse in judgment in Scotland when he asked a complete stranger to take a group photo of us in Edinburgh. While that may not seem like such a bonehead move, the fact that of all the people he could have asked, he asked a blind man, certainly was. The gentleman was a good sport and the picture turned out fine, though slightly off-center.

Best Invisible Friend. This award goes out to “Scott.” “Scott” is, as of last week, the fiancée of Carina Abernathy. Some doubts about his existence are still present, but apparently the ring on her finger is quite real.

The Richard Petty Award, for excellence in driving. This award goes to Elliott Schwartz for proving that an Acura is no match for a lamp post when he tried to run over one with his car. The lamp post survived without a scratch, Elliott’s bumper and pride, however, needed some repairs.

The Happy Birthday Award. Most people are happy to celebrate only one birthday per year, but not so for this award winner. Jennifer Caron celebrated her birthday, at last count, seven times throughout the year. Apparently she just can’t get enough of free desserts and horrible singing.

The “Whatever Happened To That Guy” Award. Everyone seems to have stories about someone who at one time was prominent in their life, but is no longer around and nobody can explain why. This year’s award winner has completely dropped off the face of the Earth. Hopefully you haven’t forgotten him, his name is Tood, and if anyone has knowledge of his whereabouts, please let us know.

Traveler of the Year. This award was a tough one and the voting was close, but Howard Kalin comes away with the trophy. Howard saved up his vacation time in 2005 and took nearly all of it at once. He headed down under for an unbelievable trip to Australia and New Zealand in late November and early December. One perk of winning this award is a complimentary shout out. To hear about Howard’s travels, please visit http://howardkalin.blogspot.com.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Award, for excessive violence. There aren’t many times in award show history where one entrant receives the entire allotment of votes, but this is one of them. Howard’s dog, Boss, received every vote for her rampant destruction of Howard’s room while he was away on his trip. The violence was senseless and “Terror on Antler Trail” was on the lips of nearly every Georgian for the better part of a month.

Peruvian of the Year. Once again we have a clear winner and the winner is, “None of the above?” That’s right, after all the ballots were counted “None of the above” came away the victor. Sadly, native Peruvians, Jorge and Johanna Pereira finished fourth and fifth respectively, behind write-in candidates Seymour Butts and “A half-eaten box of Cinnamon Teddy Grahams,” neither of which can be traced back to Peruvian ancestry.

The Tracy Gold Award, for excellence in fasting. In a classic tale of absurdity, this year’s award goes to yours truly, Todd Grandominico. After being invited over to the Schwartz family “break the fast” party for Yom Kippur, it was decided that in order to “break the fast” one actually has to fast. So, after 24 hours with no food or water one Christian made a room full of Jews wonder just what this world was coming to.

The “Thanks For Reminding Me” Award. This award depends solely on last minute entries and thankfully one came in at the eleventh hour. In a textbook example of not knowing when to keep quiet, Jennifer Caron brought up the hilarious episode at Jorge’s party where she peed on herself. She may not have actually peed on herself, (no chemical tests were administered) but all you have to do is look at the picture to see what we’re talking about. On a side note, this event has spawned a new category for the 2006 awards. The new award will be named the Jennifer Caron Award, for outstanding achievement in bladder control.

Best Weekend Planner. Despite his inability to pull off the victory in the Peruvian of the Year category, Jorge Pereira is finally able to dust off the shelf and add a trophy. Jorge took the reigns one weekend and a group of us headed out to Martini’s and IMAX at the Fernbank Museum and dinner at Fritti on Friday night. The following night we all went to the grand opening of the new exhibit at the High Museum of Art, with dinner later on at Fuego and drinks out in Midtown.

Most Impressive Career Move. This one goes out to someone who, when faced with the prospect of a layoff, took the bull by the horns and left. This year’s clear winner, Gary Gillis, decided it was time for something different, so he packed his bags and moved to London, England. We’re still not sure if he’ll remain there for good or return to the USA, but he’s found a great job and we wish him the best.

Mountaineer of the Year. This award goes to Angela Michetti. Angela, not being one for climbing mountains achieved a milestone this year by becoming the first woman from Mentor, Ohio to hike three-quarters of the way up Stone Mountain in flip-flops. You may not think this is very impressive, but hiking in flip-flops is not something I would wish upon anyone. She was a real trooper.

Quote of the Year. In one of the most sought after categories, this year’s quote comes from an unnamed Scotsman on a bus in the Czech Republic. After some difficulty with a rather rude bus driver, he casually mentioned “If it wasn’t for tourists, he’d be shoveling shit on a farm somewhere.” This was an absolutely hilarious moment.

That wraps up our awards for 2005. Congratulations to all of our winners. I know not everyone received an award, but after reading these, you’re probably glad you didn’t. Happy New Year everyone.